can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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