Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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