come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
