upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
