2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Its about making memories worth repressing
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
