so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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