a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize