I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
