you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
