i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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