so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Panties = found
Randomize