If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
