Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
So much rum. So many feels.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
