I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
please come you make the beer taste better
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just gargled with NyQuil
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
