I didn't shave. On purpose
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Someone came in the potted fern
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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