the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
