god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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