i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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