I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize