I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
