i think my tv is drunk
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
