Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
