I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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