This girl is more easily done than said...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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