i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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