Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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