why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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