apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
