Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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