Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
we're making bets on your personal life
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
