He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
