Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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