If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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