Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
