when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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