I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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