i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
