I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
