I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize