I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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