When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
