I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
