don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
