we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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