they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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