Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
