I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
