Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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