im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
