Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize