I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
