We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
