I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
