Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Girls should come with a carfax report
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
