: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
