No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
