It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
