Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
