I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
