Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Sorry my hands just texted you
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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