I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
