is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
