Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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