she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
