Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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