i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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