the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
