8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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