Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
