Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize