thus making me awesome and them whores
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
