Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
