I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
