I can feel you judging me through the phone.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
