I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
