There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize