Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
