You smell like a Billy Joel song
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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