Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
