I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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