i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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