so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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