if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
