Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize