Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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