i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
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