i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
