capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
