I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
