It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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